DeziGal

Growing up, I remember friends and relatives coming from America, and bragging about their kid’s achievements. This is common of Indian parents everywhere, but especially true when immigrant parents return to the motherland. The accomplishments of their children were one of the top ways of proving that the difficult move to America had paid off, only second to the photos of in front of their Lexus, their suburban home, and the family outing to the nearest landmark be it Disneyland, the Golden Gate, or the Statue of Liberty.

Maybe, they were also living vicariously through their kid who had the privileged life that they strived so hard for. “My Raj is on the soccer team, is going to France for a study abroad, plays the flute, is a black-belt, and a valedictorian,” aunty would say. My sister and I would have to smile through all this while demurely serving tea to the aunty with the Nine West bag, who was checking us out at the tender age of 16 as a potential bride of their socially inept but “gifted” son. Meanwhile, we went to our normal schools without so much as learning a sport or a musical instrument. I always wondered, "it will be interesting to see who is happier in life -- the normal kid or the overachiever"

I found the same attitude when I moved here. Indian parents were always waxing lyrical about their kids. Very tiresome to listen to for an average kid with average abilities. Kids were being pushed too hard, I thought. Calendars packed to the brim – ballet, swimming, kathak, Piano, Hindi classes, AP courses. Were these kids really happy? I personally thought, they were less warm, welcoming, and nice than your average kid (like me).

Kathleen Deveny wrote a fantastic article in the January 14 issue of Newsweek, titled They’re No Baby Einsteins. She says only “5% of kids can be considered gifted according to educators. Even fewer rate as geniuses.” Then why are parents compelled to say their child gifted? It’s become akin to saying “nice to meet you” at a party, especially for the LA, NYC parents. She says, telling an average child that they are a genius is particularly dangerous “giving them false hopes of how the world will treat them.” Finally, she notes,” I’m starting to think being smart is overrated. We all know adults who are supersmart but somehow never learned the basic play-ground rules about how to play with others. And while it would be nice if my child turns out to be gifted, it would be even better if she turned out to be kind, confident and happy.”

Kathleen, I couldn’t agree with you more. I bet, compassion can solve almost as many of world’s problems as intelligence can.